Allow me to explain, most automakers like to build a single model for a single model class, for example Ford makes the Fiesta for the compact-hatch class, Taurus for the large sedan class, F-150 for the 1/2 ton truck class, etc. This basic theory allows brands to compete with each other for one particular type of consumer, instead of competing with itself for that same consumer. The men with expensive MBA's in pinstripes and windsor knots over at BMW have decided that they want to make cars that compete with their own cars. Let me say that again, because I know for most individuals of a relatively sane mind, you may have had a mini-stroke whilst reading that sentence... they make a product, that competes DIRECTLY with another one of their own products.
BMW's model line stacks up like this 1 (series), 3, 5, 6, 7, Z, X, and M. When you take a step back and look at it from a distance of at least 6 to 7 feet, this looks like a very solid line up - we have all the staples, subcompact, compact, midsize, playboy coupe, boat, sporty coupe/convertible, (wannabe) SUV, and chuck norris.
However, all is not dandy for the Müllers's. Let me begin my grand inspection with the 1-series vs 3-series love affair. For anyone who doesn't share my insanely useless knowledge of the automobilic landscape, I guarantee that if you saw a glimpse of a 1 and a 3 sitting next to each other, there is a 98.7% chance you would wonder why in the hell that man has two of the same cars in different colors. Issue #1: THEY ARE THE SAME SIZE. Well, not exactly, but close enough that if this were the 90's, Oprah wouldn't be able to fit in either, but then she would, but then she wouldn't again.
My next conundrum is the amount of monetary compensation you will have to throw at BMW for each of them... Issue #2: THEY ARE THE SAME PRICE. A 135i will start at $39,050 while a 335i Coupe will run you $44,100 (a 328i coupe is $37, 650... yes, cheaper than its smaller counterpart with a MARGINALLY smaller engine.) For most Americans, $5,000 is a bargain for a few more inches that will allow your gut to sit comfortably on your thighs instead of on the steering wheel.
I ask the question, Why does BMW even have the 1-series if it is just a minutely smaller version of the 3-series? I think it's just plain poor business sense... I know the 1-series is a great car, because BMW makes great cars, but what's the point when the 3-series is an icon? If you want to make a great small sports car, do that, make it SMALL.
Here's the part where you think I'm done... but oh are you completely mistaken. I could honestly turn this post into a thesis paper, but I hope most of you have actual productive sh** to do, so I will do my best to keep the following points relatively brief.
Behind door number two sit the X3 and X5... the "Sports Activity Vehicles." These two SAV's suffer from the EXACT same disease as the 1 and 3-series. They are just simply too close in size and price. The X3 is a medium-sized expensive SUV (I think it was trying to "compete" with the likes of a Rav-4 or CR-V.... come on, just stop it.) while the X5 is a medium-large sized expensive SUV... I just fail to see the point of having both - CAN I GET A LITTLE VARIETY?! If I'm looking to buy an SUV I might look at both the X3 and X5 and realize they are they same thing. Why don't you leave the X5, call it the X3 and create an SUV with its own gravitational pull and call it the X5, then we have a little distinction.
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For the health of I.A., I hesitate to utter the name of the X6 alongside the 5-series GT, as they are, again, the same horrible thing. The X6 is the most convincing example to date that German auto-designers take happy hour at 10 o'clock in the morning, then go back to work. They created one of these coupé based 4 door cars (like the Merc SLS and VW CC), then made it into an XUV. Didn't people learn after the Pontiac Aztec that no one wants to drive around in an oversized origami balloon?
ReplyDeleteWorse still, since BMW often inspires trends in the industry, Acura has come out with the ZDX. This is a big coupé carved out of a block of steel and has rear doors that can't be opened until you open the front doors... I... hate it... so much.
As I digress I must ask, who wants to pay 40K to sit on the steering wheel? At least when Mercedes makes a sub-compact, it is actually a sub-compact and the price tag is substantially lower than the lowest trim of the next size up. BMW didn't even try to make an actual sub-compact.
To wrap up my post, I will make an overarching, politically motivated, vaguely conclusive statement. In these hard economic times of vanishing fossil fuels and unemployment, diverse automobile consumers demand a range of options and features. This doesn't mean they should be rewarded with over-designed modern art attempting to portray American off-roading "uumph" while still giving ze German autobahn-ish "ööömf", neither should they be given a small, medium, large, and big-gulp of the same damn thing. Automakers who are successful should tinker with their model line up to a point, and not beyond that, it's just wasting precious resources and weakening our digestive systems.
Thanks for listening.
"Gator don't play no s***"