I'm having some trouble here... I like Nissan as a company, I really do. They make some incredible products, like the baffling GTR that can blend a Porsche 911 Turbo into baby mush while lapping the Nurburgring (I apologize for not knowing how to do the cool German U) AND costs about half the price. The problem is Nissan has gone all-in to the EV market with the release of its newest model, the Leaf. Now, we know I have problems with electric cars. I don't think they are a true answer to the oil crisis. The infrastructure our country has in place, our driving habits, and our American stubbornness to change are all going in direct competition with what the EV culture is trying to force into the mainstream. In America, we are used to being able to drive 300 miles, stop for 5 minutes, and drive another 300 miles. Not to mention, our communities are built around the automobile, most of suburban America has to drive at least 15 minutes one-way JUST to get groceries. Electric vehicles aren't set up this way, you can drive LESS and then you have to wait 6 hours until you can drive again. Experts have even come up with a term, "Range Anxiety," that refers to the doubt and uneasiness that occurs when you have 5 miles to get home, but your EV's range meter says it will die in 3. WILL YOU MAKE IT HOME?!?!?!! prolly not.
Now in an attempt to build a camaraderie around Leaf owners, Nissan is calling for it's owners across the country to vote on a wave... yep a wave. As in a secret hand gesture that one Leaf driver can display to another Leaf driver who's battery has inevitably just gone dead on the side of the road. "Sorry! I can't stop to help, I'm nearly out of juice!"
Stephen Colbert reports...
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Guilty Pleasure - Chevy Tahoe
I've decided to start up another feature which I will be calling my Guilty Pleasures. The automobiles featured here will most certainly not be the fastest, the highest quality, the most fuel efficient, or really have any special defining physical characteristic that sets them apart from anything else, but they have that little extra something you can't really put your finger on. I'm talking about a special personality, something that appeals to that dark geeky side of you that you wouldn't dare show off to anyone... ever. These are the cars you waste hours searching the internet for, thinking "I would loooove to have that." but then that sane part of your brain comes out and smashes your geeky little dreams. (Yes. I spend hours looking at cars for no apparent reason. And with absolutely no funds to purchase them with. Judge me accordingly.)
My first Guilty Pleasure is the beautiful, gaudy, wonderful, cheesy, obnoxiously stereotyped Chevy Tahoe. In 2007 GM did something they rarely do, made something that looks downright frickin awesome, in an evil henchman sort of way. (Let me get something out of the way, we are NOT mentioning the GMC Yukon because while it is the same truck underneath, it is horrendous to look at.)
Looking at the Tahoe, it's perfect. A mean grill, big chrome 5 spoke wheels, chrome accents in all the right places, and it can only be one color, black. When you see a Tahoe driving down the road, you think one of two things; there goes a poor suburban housewife who's husband couldn't afford more aptly named Suburban, or holy sh** I'm being hunted by Jack Bauer.
The latter feeling is the main reason I absolutely love the Tahoe, because if I owned one, I would be Jack Bauer. Driving around in the Tahoe I would secrete badass, smell of the bioweapon I just defused, and be adorned with the blood of terrorists I have killed in the name of America. I've also developed the ability to go 24 hours with out food, sleep, or bathroom privileges. (Because inevitably I would be caught in a web of international intrigue where it was unclear if my reckless actions and negligence for property or human life were actually in the service of our great country, regardless of my long and decorated secret career of saving the world and America and string of president's I am on a first name basis with.)
The Tahoe then, is truly an awesome truck. It's ridiculously expensive, not very well appointed, and sitting inside you could be in any one of six GM "trucks." The perks of owning one are less obvious, not only can you be Jack Bauer, but when driving around most people think you are either FBI or Secret Service, so you will never have to deal with traffic. In addition, if you are pulling up to a house (or abandoned warehouse holding a secret plutonium enrichment lab in the Port of Los Angeles) any criminals around will scamper away in fear, so you will always be safe from danger.
No more traffic and never having to worry about danger again, seems like a no brainer to me, regardless of the price and the fact the interior is a sumptuous blend of vinyl and plastics. Unfortunately, as you are on your way home from CTU having been held for 13 hours in a detention cell (interrogated using techniques "not condoned by the United States Government" for 4 of those hours), spent another 5 hours following a trail of dead bodies to hunt down the leader of a terrorist cell, only to find out SHE (I know, didn't see that coming either) has rigged 4 dirty bombs to go off in the next 6 hours which are hidden in random parts of the city. Then, getting in no less than 7 high stress car chases, and spending the last 6 hours searching for, and disarming those 4 dirty bombs, you come to an exhausted realization... with badass trucks comes badass responsibility, and the Tahoe just really isn't worth all of that stress.
Agent IA, CTU, signing off.
photo courtesy: www.chevrolet-excellent.com
My first Guilty Pleasure is the beautiful, gaudy, wonderful, cheesy, obnoxiously stereotyped Chevy Tahoe. In 2007 GM did something they rarely do, made something that looks downright frickin awesome, in an evil henchman sort of way. (Let me get something out of the way, we are NOT mentioning the GMC Yukon because while it is the same truck underneath, it is horrendous to look at.)
Looking at the Tahoe, it's perfect. A mean grill, big chrome 5 spoke wheels, chrome accents in all the right places, and it can only be one color, black. When you see a Tahoe driving down the road, you think one of two things; there goes a poor suburban housewife who's husband couldn't afford more aptly named Suburban, or holy sh** I'm being hunted by Jack Bauer.
The latter feeling is the main reason I absolutely love the Tahoe, because if I owned one, I would be Jack Bauer. Driving around in the Tahoe I would secrete badass, smell of the bioweapon I just defused, and be adorned with the blood of terrorists I have killed in the name of America. I've also developed the ability to go 24 hours with out food, sleep, or bathroom privileges. (Because inevitably I would be caught in a web of international intrigue where it was unclear if my reckless actions and negligence for property or human life were actually in the service of our great country, regardless of my long and decorated secret career of saving the world and America and string of president's I am on a first name basis with.)
The Tahoe then, is truly an awesome truck. It's ridiculously expensive, not very well appointed, and sitting inside you could be in any one of six GM "trucks." The perks of owning one are less obvious, not only can you be Jack Bauer, but when driving around most people think you are either FBI or Secret Service, so you will never have to deal with traffic. In addition, if you are pulling up to a house (or abandoned warehouse holding a secret plutonium enrichment lab in the Port of Los Angeles) any criminals around will scamper away in fear, so you will always be safe from danger.
No more traffic and never having to worry about danger again, seems like a no brainer to me, regardless of the price and the fact the interior is a sumptuous blend of vinyl and plastics. Unfortunately, as you are on your way home from CTU having been held for 13 hours in a detention cell (interrogated using techniques "not condoned by the United States Government" for 4 of those hours), spent another 5 hours following a trail of dead bodies to hunt down the leader of a terrorist cell, only to find out SHE (I know, didn't see that coming either) has rigged 4 dirty bombs to go off in the next 6 hours which are hidden in random parts of the city. Then, getting in no less than 7 high stress car chases, and spending the last 6 hours searching for, and disarming those 4 dirty bombs, you come to an exhausted realization... with badass trucks comes badass responsibility, and the Tahoe just really isn't worth all of that stress.
Agent IA, CTU, signing off.
photo courtesy: www.chevrolet-excellent.com
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